At Pornhub, we recognize the challenges sex workers may face when seeking support for their mental health. That’s why we’re proud to be partnered with Pineapple Support, a free resource that offers therapy and mental health care for members of the industry. We spoke to Devin D’shae (Masters in Mental Health Counseling), a therapist specializing in sexual expression to offer advice on healing, and to better understand the experiences of Black sex workers in our community.
Tell us about yourself. How did you get involved in counseling, specifically at Pineapple Support offering support to the sex workers community?
Well my name is Devin D’shae. I was born and raised in Houston, Texas, but owe a great deal of my evolution to my time spent in both New York and California. I’ve always been an empath by nature. Providing safe spaces has been a part of my essence way before it became cool. However, it wasn’t until my first psychology course in high school that my path to becoming a therapist became evident to me. I was pretty much failing in every class but this Intro to Psych course that captivated and engaged me like no other. I’ve dedicated my life to healing people ever since. I was heavily involved in the BDSM scene in NYC and naturally, developed close relationships with sex workers in the community as a result. Getting to know them on a level beyond their profession introduced me to a realm of care and advocacy that put me in alignment with Pineapple Support. I will forever be grateful to TRUST for providing me with the connection to Pineapple Support and the clients that I have the privilege of serving as a result.
Your profile says you believe human sexuality should be incorporated into a holistic approach of wellbeing. Can you tell us more about what a holistic approach to sexuality for a sex worker might look like?
Holistic translates to looking at the “whole person” as opposed treating one aspect of them. Many practitioners claim they are holistic by tapping into the behavioral, cognitive, and spiritual, but fail to incorporate the most important piece that is sexuality. In working with sex workers, I ensure to assist them in claiming their sexual identity beyond their profession, clientele and fanbase, by embracing that on their own terms. I feel that they are so accustomed to fulfilling everyone else’s fantasies, that they often tend to forget to fulfill their own. I’ve often had clients tell me that after a day of pouring their sexuality into their work and then their relationships, that there is little to none left for themselves at the end of the day. This is problematic in many ways, but ultimately, reminding sex workers that pleasure is their birthright as well is the first order of business before diving into any psychological, behavioral, or spiritual issues that may be presenting.
What are the most common issues sex workers bring to your sessions? How do you address or advise them?
The most common issues that are brought to me are burn out, dating and relationship issues and past trauma or retraumatization. For burn out, I typically do classic psychoeducation on boundary setting along with CBT to assist in alleviating any anxiety that may arise as a result in doing so. In this evolving “hustle culture” in the adult industry, on top of already working from a source of survival, it is easy to work for hours on end with no breaks. Not to mention the psychological toll that may be presenting as a result of the work as well. Dating and relationships present with levels of barriers whether it is a sex worker dating someone else in the or industry or a sex worker dating someone that is not in the industry. Each scenario requires a level of communication and reality testing that I typically attempt to equip my clients with. Lastly, the most common issue that I see presenting with sex workers is past trauma and/or the potential of being retraumatized through their work. I typically combat this by introducing my clients to being in the body, by the way of DBT and mindfulness. Trauma is typically trapped within the body so equipping clients with tools to assist them with sitting in awareness with the feelings within, along with bringing them to the present moment, can be very powerful.
What are common issues BIPOC sex workers bring to your sessions? How do you address or advise them?
BIPOC sex workers tend to bring in two common issues: hypersexulization and the criminalization of sex work, more so for them than any other race. These are two issues deeply rooted in generations of social injustice and oppression so it’s important to first, just recognize that for them and their realities. For some within the industry, fetishes can be fulfilled for their clients by putting on latex or grabbing a paddle. For others, their skin and bodies, something that cannot be taken on and off, are constantly being fetishized and targeted. I provide my clients with psychoeducation and resources around these issues, along with providing them a space to simply address the ways it shows up for them, both inside and outside of their work.
How do the experiences of BIPOC sex workers differ from other clients? What advice do you offer in these cases?
BIPOC sex workers are no different than BIPOC individuals in the corporate world, in the sense that they have to typically work twice as hard to be recognized and respected in their fields. This leads to burn out, imposter syndrome and even self-defeating thoughts that can potentially sabotage sex workers careers and overall sexuality. I really try to offer a balance of shadow work and empowerment in these instances, as a means to bring their true sense of self and worth into consistent awareness.
What are some positive steps studios, platforms, and sex workers can do to help to shape the industry in positive ways?
I’ve heard so many sex workers wishing for the industry to be more supportive, and my first response is inquiring what steps that they have taken to secure that wish. One has to start with being the change, and in a profession as cutthroat and demanding as the adult industry, there has to be more room for compassion and empathy from within. It is mandatory. One of my favorite platform’s in the US and Berlin is The Black Sex Workers Collective. It is a grassroots organization that offers a plethora of conferences, workshops and communities that are tailored to creating more positive spaces in the industry and beyond.
What 3 main tips would you give to young online sex workers who are just starting out?
Educate yourself before taking any action: Sexpo’s are dramatically shifting from selling dildo’s to dedicating their platform to educating the audience on how to run a successful business in the industry. My recent attendance at Exxotica’s 2021 Expo included seminars such as, “OnlyFans Masterclass”, “Law 101 for Models, Actors and Talent”, “A How to Guide on Getting Into the Industry”. Utilize the knowledge because now more than ever, it’s there!
Find support: Pineapple Support not only offers subsidized therapy for online sex workers, but they also offer a plethora of online support groups, webinars, trainings and even retreats to cultivate building efficient support systems. This is so important because I’ve noticed a lot of “every man for themselves” mentality within a industry that needs support the most. I get a lot of clients that are taken advantage of on the job, simply because no one was there to educate them on the risk that come within an industry that is now being glamorized to a lot of young models, actors and sex workers.
Know your worth: It’s easy to settle for anything or even lower our standards when we are first venturing off into something new professionally. Even as a therapist, I lowballed my fees in the beginning to build up my case load. The problem with this, however, is that it makes it even harder to establish and maintain your worth once you start to build a clientele or fanbase because we have already set ourselves at a low standard. From the very start, it is vital to get acquainted with your worth. What it looks like, feels like and what plan of action to take once it is challenged because it will be challenged.
How can BIPOC Models deal with issues of fetishization?
By talking about it, then talking about it some more! Again, this is a deeply rooted topic that may not even be on one’s conscious awareness and one that is also constantly being reinforced both within and outside of the sex worker setting. Navigating ways to bring this into the room amongst other BIPOC models or therapist can be transformative within itself. This is the only way to at least combat desensitization and increase autonomy on how much fetishization that you are willing to choose within your work. You do have a choice.
Outside of therapy, where should sex workers look for support?
Within each other, of course through Pineapple Support for all things supportive, The Sex Workers Project for legal support, Sex Workers Outreach Project is where you can join or start a chapter in your city to receive peer support, education awareness and empowerment, and last but not least, you should seek support outside of the industry as well! Many of my clients express not having any friends or support outside of their profession to confide in, which has the potential to limit their reality even further. I couldn’t imagine only having a circle of therapy friends where we only talk about therapy and therapy with our clients! Allow yourself the opportunity to disconnect from sex work by having people in your circle that are as far out of reach from that realm as well.
Courtesy of unsplash
You mention on your site that at TRUST, one of your goals is to help people celebrate their differences and find healthier attitudes towards sexuality, race and gender. What sort of basic initial steps can someone take to help shift their mindset to a more positive one about themselves?
First step to authenticity is radical acceptance. Making the conscious decision every day of your life to live for no one but you! Next is to be curious. What doors does this passage of acceptance open for you? Which ones shut? Question everything as if you are a new creation with a clean slate because in a sense, you truly are when you finally decide to shift your mindset. Then you want to explore these curiosities (with caution and consent of course), where exactly do they take you? What does it mean for you to go there? The final step is accepting again because so much will come up on the path to liberation, it’s important to constantly check in and assess where you truly are at with all of this. Then repeat! It’s definitely easier read than done but hopefully this is just enough invitation that you need to at least take that first step to becoming unapologetically you.
What is the biggest misconception people have about therapy? What kind of advice can you offer to those who are new to it?
People still carry this misconception of therapist scribbling in their notebooks while they lay down and tell them all their deepest, scariest secrets. Don’t get me wrong, therapy is a lot of work and challenges a lot of thoughts and behaviors that we use to survive, but the goal of the therapist is to bring you towards lasting change, as safely and patiently as we can. Granted many therapists have different styles and approaches, but no one should make you feel as though you are not the expert of your own life.
Advice I would give to those new to it is to get a consultation before committing to a therapist if you can. Some are free and some may come with a fee, but it is worth paying for if it means that you can gauge if this is someone that you see yourself comfortability opening up to. I would also advise that you know what you’re looking for. If your presenting problems are primarily cognitively based, I would recommend finding someone that specializes in CBT. If you feel that your issues are primarily rooted to sexuality, then you would of course want to seek out a Sex Therapist. Just know that each therapist comes with their own set of strengths and weaknesses that need to be taken into consideration.Some BIPOC tailored sites that can make your search a little easier include: TherapyforBlackGirls, TherapyForBlackMen and TherapyForQPOC.
Finally, know that you are in control of the therapy sessions. Know that the therapist is only there to assist you in getting to your destination from the passenger’s seat. We can give you directions, we can recommend which exit to take and even make you aware of any blind spots but ultimately, the power to gas or break is entirely up to you.
Keep up with Devin and find more info about her work on her website: www.devindshae.com
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